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One fine day when nothing exciting was going on
at work, we decided to conduct conducted an
experiment, someone started a paragraph of a
story and passing it along to the next colleague
to add a paragraph and continue, this is what we got in the
end.
[stephen] Once upon a time in an office in West
Auckland there was a software development firm.
It lived amongst the squat buildings of a
shopping centre, and spent it's days earning a
living for the employees. Everyone who worked
there was fairly normal, except for the QA man
who harboured a dark secret.
[muffy] And it was a real nasty one; he had a
small overgrowth that was an extension of his
vertebra about 2 inches long right below the
tailbone, it seemed to have a mind of its own
and would wriggle when he got upset. It wasn't
visible or obstructive and he meant to keep it
that way until one fine day one of the c#
developers whom some of them mistakenly
nicknamed 'ace developer' went to him and
asked...
[troy] "Can I borrow your stapler ?" This wasn't
a problem in itself, QA had been given a stapler
as sign of his position of responsibility, and
was happy to lend it out. Especially seeing as
he never used it. However, no one ever returned
the items they borrowed from him and to make it
worse he even had to retrieve his own pens after
he threw them at those slackers in the
development department. It was a good stapler,
one which was much larger than the one the
Development Manager had, and over which the
Development Manager harboured a secret
resentment. QA agreed to lend out his stapler to
the C# developer, but swore he'd go Guy Fawkes
on the company if it wasn't returned to him.
Meanwhile his little growth kept twitching...
[davidJr] One fine sunny day whilst
resubmissions of bounced apps were clogging the
company network, a gorgeous woman entered the
developers' realm: she was called the Cookie
Girl. Everyone was aware of her yet no-one
understood the purpose of her visit. She stood
in the entrance of the office, carefully looking
at each person in the office. After a moment,
she walked over to the Ace Developer's table and
started talking to him.
[John] There was much talk as to why the Cookie
Girl was interested in the Ace Developer and
no-one else. Many say it is because of the fact
that the QA man's large stapler was openly
visible on his desk, for after the Cookie Girl
left, it was nowhere to be found...
[rene] Qa man was visibly upset but said
nothing. The days went by and Ace developer
failed every application. No one could
understand why Ace developer was failing because
his work had always been good. Then that fateful
day came; we believe it may have been the 11 of
December. Cookie girl appeared in the doorway of
the office doors wearing one of Ace programmers
Van Helen shirts and a beautifully stapled book
of stationary. Though no one could see, the QA
man's vertebra extension was wriggling madly. QA
finally decided he has to do something. Enough
was enough. He approached the Cookie girl and
demanded: "I want my cookie now!"
[bester] With a lowly level of intelligence and
less charisma than a Teletubby, she mistakes the
cookie for a stapler and starts going on a
man-hunt for the Stapler Stealing Dude. She runs
madly around the office while an orange-haired
Ace Developer Minion runs hastily after her. His
intentions, to this day, are not known, for he
tripped over the Suspended Blue Cables down at
the Eastern end of the office, and forever after
sat at his desk failing QA apps for his evil
master, the QA Man. Meanwhile, the Cookie Girl
approached The Cube on the server rack for
advice...
[munish] The Server Rack was no ordinary rack.
It was in fact the nickname given to a room that
was inhabited by a most unusual of men who was
nicknamed The Cube. For it was he who held the
power of information and therefore the destiny
of the company in his hands. His job title
spanned from one edge of his door to the other ~
it read 'Multi-Dimensional Analysis & OLAP Cube
Searches' No one really knew much about him ~
because few if any could understand what the
heck he was talking about. He was a mixture of
b, but his eyes were scary the way they pieced
through you. No one liked to call meetings now,
not even the boss... Everyone felt vulnerable
when he gazed at you ~ some whispered that they
had seen his yes embedded within their screen ~
many believed he had infiltrated all their
business and personal things. What secrets about
them had he extracted from within the walls of
the Server Rack? So was it any wonder that
everyone in the office stopped what they were
doing and looked hesitantly at the Cookie Girl
as in trepidation. She approached the Server
Rack and behind that door... The Cube waited.
[helen] She knocked, nervously. The door slowly
opened and she stepped in. Everyone waited
anxiously. And waited. And waited. But the
Cookie Girl did not return. What had happened to
her? Would the QA man have the courage to brave
the Server Rack, and perhaps finally discover
the mystery of his stapler? In the
Multi-Dimensional Reality of the Server Rack,
the Cube extrapolated all permutations of
possible consequences of the Cookie Girl's
intrusion into his realm. The Cube consulted the
Oracle, extended his presence across the WAN,
even plugging into the Linutics group to extract
data from the Cookie Girl. The Stapler is the
only purpose she is here. No, not the Cube's
stapler. In the dark recess of the Server Rack,
a hidden trapdoor swung open and swallowed the
Cookie Girl whole into the Cube's factor
analysis equation. The QA man rushes in ... No,
not before I get the Stapler back. The QA man
dives in after the Cookie Girl ... 'Give me back
my Stapler!' The overgrowth grew a full inch,
wriggled madly, hooked itself to the edge of the
trapdoor, just in time.
[Danny] The Cube glared at the QA man just as he
swung himself onto the Server Rack floor,
Stapler in hand. 'I declare independence from
the Cube. I answer to no one. You are not
properly documented. I Bounce you. Resubmit, if
you dare! Your access is denied, hence forth.'
The gleam of sheer power surged thru the QA's
eyes with a glint of evil intent. And he flung
the Stapler at the Cube.
[stephen] What happened next could not be
described in terms that humans could comprehend.
The stapler collided into the Cube, and the
following blinding implosion would have been
impressive had the onlooker retained his retinas
long enough to watch. The only thing saving the
QA mans ocular ability was the evil glint in his
eye which quickly expanded to cover his face,
before retracting back to normal. The Cube was
gone, and the fabric of reality lay in tatters
around the feet of the QA man. He stood at the
brink of a hole leading down into stygian
depths, a nauseating stench beginning to flow
from it into the office. The Cookie Girl stood
trembling behind him, clutching his hand as her
hair blew in sickly wind. The geometry of the
room containing the Server Rack became wrong,
and dark things with tentacles began to surge
upwards, seeking egress through the newly opened
orifice out into the fluorescent Westgate
office.
[muffy] the darkness went away and the room was
suddenly bright, watching the cube disappear
brought a smile on the cookie girl, the
tentacles turned out to be Christmas decorations
on the wall, she holds the QAman's hands and
says 'You are my HERO' and gives him a peck on
his cheek, his overgrowth now wriggling at its
max, the QA man is as happy as he could be. All
of a sudden a very wild and dangerous though
struck his mind...
[pam] Could the Cookie girl be the one? ...the
love of his life ?...the mere thought that after
all these years, he may have at last found his
true love ... made his overgrowth wriggle
uncontrollably. The QA man could not believe how
his precious stapler had changed his life, he
began to strut proudly around the office
introducing his lovely Cookie girl to all of the
workers. ... his head held very high .... his
chest puffed up with pride and his overgrowth
wriggly rapidly with the excitement of the
moment. Unfortunately, there was just one thing
he had overlooked......
[Chris] As he reached the not-so dark corner of
the office he saw, to his immense horror, the
only horror in this world worse than that of the
Cube. Worse even than the QA man's beloved
Oilers failing to win a game. Yes, even worse
than being branded a Canadian. There, on the
screen of the computer belonging to The Smart
One was lines of Centura code. The QA man lunged
for the monitor, attempting to turn it off lest
the Cookie qirl be polluted by witnessing the
vileness of the Centura code. But it was in
vain; he was too late. "Is that Centura code?!"
the Cookie girl exclaimed. "I just love Centura!
It is the best programming language ever
produced. Do say that you love Centura as well!"
And in that instant the QA man realised that
while he loved the Cookie girl he could never be
with her. How could anyone live with someone
with such a twisted mind?
[DavidJr] The QA man was so overcome by deep
emotions that he could not stop his mouth from
saying "Yes; it's the best language ever! Ah,
Centura with its builder objects, dynamic data
exchange, symbol scoping and object oriented
programming... How could man design a better
language?" He started sweating when he realised
the implications of what he has done. ll the
people in the office were staring at him, even
the managers in the offices. After a few moments
of earth shattering silence, everyone went back
to work. Everyone except the QA man, who is now
staring at his computer. He just got mail:
Subject: (Cloud9) Task Assigned To You...
Luckily being QA Man, he didn't have to do this
so called task in Cloud 9. But there was
something about his task that held QA Man fast.
He positioned the cookie girl behind him and
opened the email. Like a flash of light, a
deadly (but thin) virus jumped out of the
computer. Yes, it was the Troydor virus!!! And
his threat was that he was going to talk to
Cookie girl!!!
[Teena] His eyes pierced through her very soul -
she quivered ever so slightly (but visibly
enough to inappropriately unsettle the observing
male members of the workforce), her eyes watered
and she felt suddenly ablaze from shoulders to
knees. She had completely lost control of her
physical being. Her cookie-crumb embellished
lips parted as she begged "please - be
gentle...". The Troydor virus paid no mercy as
he whisked her up into arms and swept her into
the remote corner office, closing the door
behind him as he grinned evily at QA man. QA man
shrivelled as he drifted back into his pale
insignificance. He could hear the breathless
ranting of the virus leaking from the office
door as he spoke of Fahrenheit vs. Celsius,
thermo wave vs. convection, chocolate buttons,
coconut, slivered almonds and brandy snaps. Each
"ooh" and "aah" that escaped from the Cookie
girls lips etched on his heart as if someone was
stabbing him with a dessert fork over and over
and over again. She was gone forever - lost to
lust, that Einstein way the Troydor's hair waved
and curled, and the way his body got sleeker,
stronger and more manly by the minute. Heart
wrenching it may be, but in a somewhat 'sick'
way - the office was quietly pleased. They felt
safe again. For they pondered - what would life
be like if QA man should find love .... could
they survive such a paradigm shift ? They
returned to work one by one, ears twitching, as
they anticipated what horrors awaited them - for
the Courier girl was due, any time soon ...
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